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Randy Lee

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Goings On [05 Oct 2009|11:52pm]
..is amazing. I'm taking two classes this semester - Photo I and History of Photography. So far I have an A in each class. I have the same professor for both; she's adorable and a great teacher. I'll miss her next semester.

I'm still working at Antech and not making enough money. My car is in even less of a condition to be driving the twenty miles to this job, but this is the longest I've ever been employed with a company and I've grown very comfortable. I have a new side job, working as Shayne's Girl Friday (assistant, manager, secretary, representative, etc.) for his art racket. I just started a week ago, so we'll see how it goes. Who knows, new career path?

We finished moving in on the first, though we still have boxes to unpack. It's 1750sq ft, rent is well under $300/mo. Joe and I have the master bedroom which has a completely remodeled bathroom that looks like it belongs in a much more expensive home. I'll have pictures of everything once we're finished unpacking. We have two roommates, Don and Geoff. We are all photographers, which leads me to...

Sarah, my photo teacher, got a call from a gal looking to donate dark room equipment. The school doesn't have room for any more donations, so she handed out a phone number to all of her students for a free dark room. I was the first to call, and now we have pretty much everything we need besides chemicals and a wash. AMAZING.

I'll have six months completely sober on the 14th, and September 5th was my year anniversary for being clean from heroin. Both are fair accomplishments that I haven't really given much thought. I couldn't imagine life being as progressive, satisfying, or worthwhile with drugs or alcohol in the picture. I look forward to small things, like coffee on an early morning or clouds on my day off, instead of parties and meaningless encounters. I feel like I'm at my best at all times, instead of just on the weekends. I feel prettier, healthier, stronger, wiser, and simply more like myself.

Just me.Collapse )
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[08 Sep 2009|08:59pm]
Busy busy busy.
School is amazing.
Moving into a house by the end of the month.
I miss my sister already.
Joe and I are well, as always.
The cats are good, growing boys.
I've been exercising every day.
Money's tight, but things seem to work themselves out.
I miss Justin being a frequent part of my life.
I still need a new job.
Once that happens I'm getting rid of my car.

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[08 Sep 2009|07:36pm]
My heartaches
make earthquakes
in sound lakes;
so subtle
they bubble
when doubled.
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Peectures! [25 Jul 2009|11:56pm]
My life lately.Collapse )
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'Ello livejournal. [24 Jul 2009|02:35am]
News in Randyland?
I haven't had a car for a month. Snapped a bolt in the alternator bracket, and everyone that says they'll do it for free keeps putting it off. I've managed to get to and from work on the good graces of others and the good fortune of living near the light rail.
I'm still not sure how I'm going to afford school. I probably won't get my awards letter until after the semester starts, and even then I'm not sure where I'll stand financially. I've cut it down to two classes, which is about eighty dollars a month if I go on the payment plan they offer at MCC. That's still eighty dollars a month I just don't have. I made a paypal donate button not expecting much, but someone has already given me a pretty hefty start - a quarter of what I'll need for the whole semester - so I have hope. The link I put up on myspace doesn't work, so I'm going to try it here. Feel free to donate. ^_^ Even just a little will help, and cross my heart all proceeds will go directly to my tuition.

OR try this..

In other news, I picked up my 90 day chip a week ago. Woot. Still looking for a job in Tempe. I've been feeling a lot better mentally, not perfect, but I have an easier time pulling myself out of it when I start feeling bad. We got a new kitten, his name is Killface. A lot of exciting things are happening with Joe. He got a second job doing what he loves. His band is doing really well, had their first show on Monday at The Hidden House. They're playing a house party on the 1st of August and a show at Cartel near the end of August. Come! We're a little stressed financially, but hopefully that will change soon. We're looking to move in a couple of months, thinking about finding some roommates and renting a house.

That's about it for now. Until next time!

[Edit] Donate button still not working. I'll figure it out later.. if you feel like going through the trouble, I use violetxfunk@gmail.com on paypal.
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AA and other things. [26 May 2009|12:46pm]
I got my thirty day chip last night. I have a sponsor. I started reading the Big Book.
It's been forty-two days since I've had a drink, which just kind of happened unintentionally. My period came and went (after three months without it), but the depression stayed. I've been feeling crazy, over-emotional, and irrational. All the bullshit I was getting out when I drank was spilling all over my entire life sober. That doesn't seem right to me. I was having thoughts about heroin that I haven't had in a long time. I would really rather not relapse - I feel out of control. I've been paying attention at the meetings I go to with Joe - this is what they call a dry drunk. I need more than to just be clean, I need help, and Sunday I made the decision to seek it. I want to be happy and spiritually sound, I want what they have, and I'm willing to do anything to get it.

In other news, my bicycle is up and running. She's beautiful. I'm enrolled in three classes at MCC. French, Photography, and History of Photography. I'm still waiting for my awards letter to find out if I can actually pay for it. Shayne and I have been meeting up on Tuesdays to paint, though we usually end up just talking instead of making art. We'll see if we're less distracted tonight. Joe and I have occasional lapses is common sense and make plans to run away to Northern California. I hope someday it will happen. Still working at Antech, though I get closer and closer to just walking out. The bullshit level at that company increases daily. I finally fixed my cars oil leak, though she has a myriad of other problems. My biggest concern is the noise the transmission makes, followed by the radiator leak. Once I quit this job that I drive twenty-five miles to, I'm going to start working on selling it, riding my bike, and maybe getting a more reliable car to use for longer trips. I'm probably forgetting something, but it's time for work.
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Oh yeah. [07 May 2009|01:05pm]
I post stuff on http://digitalexpressions.nu/diary/compbook/ sometimes because I can access it from work, if you're interested.
I don't spend a lot of time on the PC outside of work, which has its ups and downs.
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It's been a while. [05 May 2009|08:31pm]
A quick rundown, for records sake.

Living in Tempe with Joe.
Going to AA meetings four or five times a week to show support and hang out with sober people, but not working the program.
Still working at the veterinary lab, looking for a closer job.
Putting off going to school full time due to monetary issues, though I am going to try to take a class or two.
I'm in the best physical shape I've ever been in. I actually have some muscle! Just started the hundredpushups.com, twohundredsitups.com, and twohundredsquats.com workout program.
Every Saturday is Rock Band night with another couple, which is awesome. I play bass.
My hair is blue and blond, kind of weird. I get a lot of ocean comments. Going back to natural soon and growing it out.
I've come to love cooking and cleaning, especially for Joe.
The little things in life I love so much are abundant, and my appreciation for them is endless.
I miss my friends, but I don't seem to have a lot of time or energy these days.
I haven't had my period in two months. Not pregnant, I took a test, I've just been irregular lately.
Such hormonal issues have caused me to go into a bipolar-like state, extreme highs and lows, but I know it will pass and I'm pulling through it.

Hmm, what else?
Oh yeah, I have eight months clean today. ;D

That's about it for now.
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Jo<3 [05 Apr 2009|06:44pm]
I'm pretty crazy about this boy.

Six feet and four inches of yummy.Collapse )
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[27 Feb 2009|12:50am]
I turned in my FAFSA today, and helped my brother and sister fill out theirs. I'm scared about school, and excited.
Tomorrow I'm going downtown to take care of some business. I'm pursuing a new monetary venture that I may publicize in the near future once things are settled. It's scandalous, creative, fun, and hopefully profitable.
Things are looking good. I might actually end up doing something with my life. Who knew?
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Grr. [24 Feb 2009|02:12pm]
So it's been over a week since I quit smoking. I've had a couple of cloves on two occasions, though. Going out and drinking makes it hard, but I'm fine the next day so I'm not too worried about it.

I am, however, having a problem with weight, food, and physical discontentment. I'm hoping the weight is just bloat from my period being due, but it's been a few days and nothing has happened. I am eating more, but I'm also exercising more. Not only am I now lacking an appetite suppressant (nicotine) but I have this itching feeling of being physically unsatisfied and discontent, which makes me want to eat because that's the only thing I can think of that would be immediately gratifying, besides smoking.
It was easier in the beginning because anytime I got a clear craving for a cigarette all I had to do was think about the unpleasantries of actually smoking one, or continuing the abuse on my mouth, lungs, and stamina. Now the craving is unclear.. I'm just craving something and I don't know how to mentally overcome it.
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[18 Feb 2009|01:09pm]
I feel like I can conquer the world.
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Shhh. [12 Feb 2009|11:11pm]

I need a digital camera. v.v
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To Max. [12 Feb 2009|09:59am]
I just had a really horrible dream about you.
You came back from rehab and you were staying with me and my family and everything was going really awesome until I found out you relapsed and had been using most of the time you were with us. I told my mom and she decided to send you away to get better again. You went off on me talking about how I didn't really love you, I only loved the way you loved me, which really stung because I've always had it in my head that you were the only person I ever really loved. I started crying. Things got settled, you calmed down, and I walked you out to the car that was taking you away. You gave me a really big hug and told me that it would be several years before you'd be able to see me again, not because you would be in rehab that long but because of the influence I seemed to have on you. I watched you drive away and started crying harder than I ever have. I didn't understand why you couldn't feel the way I feel about heroin at this point - resilient and strong.
I woke up crying.

I hope you're doing okay, and stay that way.

As some of you may know - he had come back from rehab (in July), he did relapse with me shortly thereafter landing him in the hospital, and I have not seen him since - though we email each other every now again. He's doing well as far as I can tell.

This dream was harder to cope with than any dream I've had about doing heroin myself.
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My New Fix [02 Feb 2009|11:05pm]
If you hit me hard enough can you hurt my soul?
Can you make me feel all the pain I've managed to inflict on others?
I long for the day someone has that power over me..
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Progress. [17 Dec 2008|02:33pm]
Oh, life is good.

I finally took my car through emissions today (passed =D) and will be going to the DMV in the next couple days to renew the registration. Yay for being able to go places!

I'm looking for a job in Tempe. I was thinking about GoDaddy, but it would be a sales position and I don't know how happy that would make me. I've also been thinking about Whole Foods or Trader Joes - Shayne says they're good companies to work for. If you know of anything fun and not minimum wage, let me know. Benefits would be really good too, but not a necessity. I haven't been to the doctor or dentist in a long time. I'm really comfortable at the place I work now, so it may take some real motivation for me to leave. The only problem is that there are no full time shifts available, and I don't know if I'd be as comfortable there with full time hours anyhow. Reading Wikipedia, learning world geography, and answering phones is something you can do for only so long.
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Purple [13 Dec 2008|04:42pm]
Hairs.Collapse )
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[09 Dec 2008|11:41pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

We run so fast and laugh so hard. We barely breathe, because our lungs are full.
Wishing tunnels, the brightest stars, feasts of kings, dancing close, holding hands.. eloquent decadence.

The rest of the world dissolves around me when I'm with you,
but now and then you have to let me down from your cloud, and my feet have to touch the ground.
Here, where it's empty and silent. Here, where my mind goes blank and I don't feel much. Here, where everything seems to stop moving.

But all I have to do is look down at those feet on the ground, at the bells tied around my ankle that echo in the silence, and I know someday I will only walk on clouds.

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[03 Dec 2008|08:37pm]

I don't know where it's coming from.
I have love, I have a life, I have friends, stagnation is fading, there's nothing I'm completely unhappy with, it's not PMS.

I'm still having a hard time being alone without going into this dark place. I can't rationalize the feeling.

Are my chemicals turning against me? Is there something that I've overlooked? Or am I just that used to being malcontent?
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I need my own computer. [25 Nov 2008|01:27am]
So I've been meaning to at least start saving to buy a laptop. Since I no longer play WoW my standards have hit an all time low, which means I'm probably gonna save at least $500.
I've been looking at the Dell Inspiron Mini 9 with the Ubuntu OS.
I really just need to be able to MySpace, Livejournal, PhotoShop a bit, and listen to music on headphones.
I prefer Ubuntu because I don't want to have to deal with Vista or pay for XP.

If you know of something better that's $400 or less, let me know.
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